He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
