I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
