My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
