There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
