the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
only if we run a train.
done.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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