If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize