I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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