i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
