I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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