I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
