after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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