Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
