i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
two words: eviction party
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Every concussion has its silver lining
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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