it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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