You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
