everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
two words...techno handjob
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
