8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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