first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
