Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
