i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
