felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
