What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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