i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
