I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
