btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
