I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
only you would photoshop your dick
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize