everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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