using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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