I hope mine doesn't look like that
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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