he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
