i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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