One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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