I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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