There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
