she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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