Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
