I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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