we have pet lesbian snakes
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
