My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you traded sex for a burrito?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
