I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
