i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
