My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
