shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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