I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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