I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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