Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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