She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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