I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
