Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
