Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
