Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
