Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You're like the curious george of whores
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
