i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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