Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
