Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
