i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize