dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
