So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
worst night to have a conscience
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
