I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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