I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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