me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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