I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My balls are so social today.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
