Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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