i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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