all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He shit in the fireplace
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
